February 2012
58 posts
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i never had a choice. i fell for you. hard. harder and faster than i had ever fallen. even now, your face steals my breath. i can hardly talk around you. your smile turns me into a babbling fool. i never had any options: it’s always been you. i’m afraid it’ll always be you. i never had a fucking choice.
sometimes i wonder why i’m still alive. this world and its inhabitants are so ugly and cruel. i guess i’m still here, holding my breath daily for a small glimmer of humanity. i’m hoping i find something that keeps me going: some great proclamation of random love, started by no particular cause. people are just so ugly, it makes me eternally sad.
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“you wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.”
– toni morrison, song of solomon.
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“when did we see each other face-to-face? not until you saw into my cracks and i...”
– john green, paper towns.
“so i walked back into my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if...”
– john green, looking for alaska
my face is getting fat. and my stomach. and my...
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my wrists and my eating are none of your fucking...
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N: i hate that i have to be the one to talk to you about this, but we've noticed your wrist again.
me: oh it's no big deal. (smiling)
N: promise me you'll stop. promise you'll talk to us when you feel like cutting.
me: of course. (lying)
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i tried. i tried to be healthy. it was fun when it...
J is in town and isn’t seeing me. he’s fucking 20 minutes away and isn’t seeing me. he says he’s in a bad mood and blah blah blah, but all i can think about is how big i am; how he would make an effort if i was skinny.
and now i just feel like complete shit.
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so when you're at home, alone, crying in your bed,...
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“the free soul is rare, but you know it when you see it — basically because...”
– Tales of Ordinary Madness, Charles Bukowski.
“you can be who you want to
you can see who you want to
there’s nothing i...”
– let you go, SOJA
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i just want to be perfect for you.
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sitting here, thinking of you with her, unable to breathe. how is it that thinking of your past makes me sick? you did it, so you obviously don’t regret it as much as i want you to. i want to touch you, smell you, be with you — but how much longer can i do this to myself? how much can one heart take? i guess time can only tell. i’m sinking deeper into you.
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“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone...”
– Oscar Wilde (via loveyourchaos)
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i'm supposed to see J next weekend. makes me want...
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“in the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.”
– deepak chopra
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